


(Double) Jurassic Penetration

by anarchytissues



Category: Jurassic Park (Movies), Jurassic World (2015)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bad Dragon, Double Penetration, Face-Sitting, Falling out of TV, Fingerfucking, Hand Jobs, Making Out, Masturbation, Most of these are future tags, Multi, Nipple Play, Nonbinary Character, Older Man/Younger Person, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Self-Insert, Shower Sex, Silly, Threesome - M/M/Other, Thunderstorms, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-06-10 10:00:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6951862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchytissues/pseuds/anarchytissues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cipher was just your regular sad nb that lived in their parents' basement that happened to maybe like Jurassic Park a little too much. While home alone for two weeks, a wicked storm happened to roll in and mess up their copy of Jurassic Park... by making Dr. Ian "Just Fuck Me Already" Malcolm fall out of the screen? </p><p>Coincidentally, the same thing happened while they were watching Jurassic World later that week. Owen "Sit On My Fucking Face" Grady was now in the 'real world' and out of his element. </p><p>With nothing else to do, the three decide to smack their genitals together. It was <i>awesome.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> what the fuck do you call those fics where a fan falls into the tv/book/game/movie. like thats a popular genre did we ever have a name for that shit? "Falling into the TV"? why isnt there a tag for this shit. anyway this is the opposite of that but i KNOW that thats a genre too so what teh fuck.
> 
> there's too much build up admittedly, but all in all it really is just rly silly pwp. that takes itself way too seriously then it's thrown out the window. hope you like goldblum.
> 
> comments are greatly appreciated!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dumbass watches a movie during an overly described thunderstorm.
> 
> tw: suicide mention, it's an ideation/thought and framed as a joke. a self-deprecating one but regardless, y'know.

“cipher please stop starting things that u wont finish” i cant my friends. i just cant. i fucked up self-insert week by not.. rly participating despite bing SUPER excited for it for like a month. so im kinda bummed. my friend uni (teddyfazbear on ao3 and StarscreamsSlut on ffdotnet) recommended “reverse self-insert week”. aka those fics where a char falls out of the tv and hangs out in THE REAL WORLD—

wait i fucked up uhhh

a/n: hiiiii everybody~! Ii know i have a ton of nfihsihed stories already but bite meh xD. it wuz self isnert week on tumblr last week but i didnt get anytin done >/////<

ian: its because you were watching jurassic park and life aquatic

me: i cant help it!!!! my kami, jeff goldblum-sama is soooo smexy Dx

ian: oh, uh, trust me i, um, know >:3

me: UR ONLY SAYING THAT CUZ HE PLAYS U XDDD!!! UR SO VAIN, IAN-KUN but ilu anyway <3

owen: **huffs angrily** >:/

me: nooo owen-chan dont be jealous!!! ilu too **glomps him**

owen: **catches me and blushes** >.>

me: ANYWAY!!! LETS START THE STORY!!

* * *

 

**(DOUBLE) JURASSIC PENETRATION**

 

It was a dark and stormy night in the Canadian city of Saskatchetoon. The living skies of Saskatchewan were painted with grey-purple clouds that masked the eerily large blood red moon every few moments. Rain fell from the rumbling heavens, drowning the normally dusty and dry earth below in large pools of water. The intersection in front of a modern styled home covered in windows was practically flooded at this point.

In the basement of the house sat a young person, no older than the age of twenty-one. They had like three different names, but we will go with Cipher as it is the easiest and most consistent. Cipher was alone for the next two weeks. Their parents were out of the country once again, and once again taking their younger brother with them and leaving our charming protagonist home alone. Again. But let's not talk about that, the important thing was that Cipher was alone.

All the lights inside were off, the only source of light coming from the orange streetlights outside that couldn't seem to make up their minds about what time of night they were supposed to come on. They sighed, walking towards the windows on the others side of the room and stretched to peer outside.

“...Damn man,” They said simply as they watched the fat droplets pelt the dirty glass in front of them. “Rain could've come a little sooner, just sayin'. Raiden fuck off.”

Who they were speaking to, they had no idea. It was fun to pretend they were a character in a movie at all times in honesty, so maybe they were talking to their make believe audience?

A crack of purple tinted lightning split the sky in half; the scenery outside nearly turning all white for what felt like an eternity. Thunder roared across the city, the many windows in the house rattling noisily.

“ _Holy fuck._ ”

They couldn't help but feel relieved that it wasn't windy on top of the storm, in case the thunder did somehow make the glass shatter and the wind blowing the shards all around the house. Because they frankly had no idea how to go about getting the windows fixed. That was adult shit. They know shit all about that kinda thing. Thanks, mom and dad.

Despite the insane lightning storm going on and the very likely possibility of the power going out, Cipher decided that it was a good time to put on a movie. A movie where a storm (along with greedy white people) lead to the deaths and injuries and trauma of many people.

It was time for the 1993 film, Jurassic Park. As it had been 12 hours since the last time they had seen the damn thing.

Quickly, they hooked up their busted, shitty Samsung laptop that was probably going to literally snap in half one day and all their Goldblum movies would be lost to the void because they can't remember to back up their shit to the TV. As they opened up their folder full of totally legal and legitimately acquired movies, they saw EARTH GIRLS ARE EASY above the Jurassic Park folder.

Cipher paused. Maybe it was time to give Ian a rest for a moment and watch Mac and Val's silly if rather charming love story accompanied by nice 80's aesthetics. It had been a while since they had seen that movie.

They put on Jurassic Park.

It would be about fifteen minutes and thirty-seven seconds until Ian Malcolm—the light of their life, fire of their loins (for the moment) and weird ass pretend father figure but let's not talk about that either—would come on screen. So they checked out for a bit. Maybe they shitposted on Twitter. Something along the lines of “I want Daddy Malcolm to turn my naughty needy pussy inside out uwu”, but less horribly generic and something that can actually fit inside the stupid character limit.

“ _So... So you two, you two, uh, d-dig dig up dinosaurs?_ ”

There he was.

Cipher's heart swelled at the sound of that angelic baritone interrupting itself every three milliseconds. A white hot feeling ignited itself in their belly, spreading to their ribcage and **LOWER REGIONS**. The heat dropped into their core like a heavy rock crashing into a pool and sending large waves of bliss to wash over every inch of their now flushed skin. The waves continued to roll out over their being before turning into small rippling pangs of pleasure deep inside them, in their most sensitive of places.

“Fffffffuckin'... _Juicy Fruit_.” They muttered, their voice **DARK WITH LUST AND DESIRE.**

They were also incredibly pissed that Ian Malcolm aroused them so much, _and so easily_. Fuck that guy, but also _fuck that guy_ , y'know?

The movie went on, the nonbinary person sitting in the dark room as if the roaring storm outside did not affect them at all. They sighed dreamily whenever Ian was on screen, when they weren't silently cursing his name and begging for him to make their eggs fertilized and not fried. The atmosphere outside was almost as intense and wet as Cipher's fruit was juicy. It was awful. Or awesome, depending on who you asked in all honesty.

Cipher watched the film in agony, wishing that Ian would cut the horribly attractive shit out for five minutes or at least dial it down to a semi-manageable nine-out-of-ten instead of a twenty-out-of-ten. Also that the thunder would go away. That too. The rain just got harder and harder, to the point where the droplets sounded like they were the size of pebbles being thrown at the glass. Thunder continued to rattle the glass windows at increasingly frequent intervals. It wasn't startling anymore, it was just plain annoying at this point.

“Jesus fuck,” they muttered angrily as they tried to see through the flash bombs for lightning strikes and focus on the screen.

“ _You had read what others had done, and y-you took the next step! You didn't earn the knowledge yourselves! So you don't take... Any responsibility for it..._ ”

Crashes of thunder exploded in the night sky; the all too familiar drum fire lasting for more than a second at this point drowned out Ian's dialogue, frustrating Cipher. The sound played on their heart much like the music spilling out of speakers at a loud concert, rattling their bones to their very core with every clap and rumble. The sounds grew closer and closer, it didn't matter if Cipher had counted the seconds that passed after every explosive burst of lightning that stained their vision white. By the time they opened their mouth to start saying two, there was more noise and light. Neon swirls swam in their vision in the brief millisecond of merciful dark they got.

“ _You... Y-you patented it, and packaged it and slapped it on a plastic lunch box... And now you're selling it! You're gonna sell it!_ ”

With every slam of Ian's hand on the table, there was another crack of lightning that Cipher could feel zap the ground. Their heart stopped during this scene like it normally did—it was no longer Goldblum simply performing as Ian Malcolm to Cipher, he _was_ Ian Malcolm. The lightning set the sky into a blazing inferno, one that rivalled the strength of the wildfire in their heart, the barrage of thunder could be compared to the sound of a fire roaring.

“ _Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could... They didn't stop to think if they should._ ”

Electricity crackled through the ground and right to Cipher's heart—metaphorically, but maybe literally with how insane the storm was. A gasp escaped them as yet another bolt of lightning struck the ground right outside the window, yet it felt like it had struck their womb every time Ian opened his fucking mouth.

Fear stabbed itself into their already pounding heart; it's knife twisting itself deeper into their chest and setting their nerves on fire so hot that it felt like ice. Hesitantly, they looked towards the window to see the glowing embers from where the lightning hit.

“ _What's so great about discovery? It's a violent, penetrative act... That scars what it explores. What you call discovery..._ ”

They swallowed as they stood up, not realizing how much they were trembling and sweating this entire time. Their knees buckled underneath them as another breath was stolen from their lungs while the mathematician spoke, relief washed over them as the thunder seemed to stop and they could hear some of their favourite lines.

“ _I call rape of the natural world._ ”

The rain had suddenly stopped. As did the lightning and thunder; gone was the blinding light and deafening noise, only for it to be replaced with pitch black and even louder silence.

It was weird, to say the least.

“...Is... that it?” Cipher said, panic still making it's way through their veins. A light, awkward laugh escaped them as beads of sweat rolled down their unnaturally pallid face. Hazel eyes glanced at their trembling hands, only then realizing how much they were shaking from that storm. “Haha... Fucking wuss.”

They looked outside once again, the once glowing embers were practically dead by this point. Hopefully, they wouldn't have to worry about a fire breaking out on wet grass. They weren't sure how that would happen, but after all; _life, uh, finds a way_.

Deciding that it'd be okay for the night, they sat back down on the mattress in the middle of the floor. Only to flop onto their side, black shoulder length hair falling over their face, irritating their senses. They huffed, a hand whipping the thick hair out of their face before awkwardly slapping onto the memory foam in front of them. They needed to relax, and what better way to do so than watching a movie where kids would eventually be in peril because of a thunderstorm!

Good plan!

The movie went on as usual. They huffed as their face heated up whenever Ian would smirk or hit on Ellie, which was often. Too often. God dammit, Ian.

Thankfully, it switched to fucking Newman from Seinfeld complaining about not being paid enough. It cooled them down. A lot. And gave them time to open up Twitter on their phone.

“lmfao i almost died lightning almsot fuckin struck my house” They typed, not bothering to fix their typos that they made so frequently that auto correct didn't even bother anymore or add punctuation. Another laugh escaped them as an intrusive thought slipped to the front of their mind; _'Too bad you weren't standing outside so you could've died. You should do that if it starts storming again. Kill yourself with lightning.'_

“HAHA. NOT TODAY SATAN!” They shouted, punctuating their words with an even louder obnoxious laugh. Hoo boy, they better tell their counsellor about this shit next week.

Cipher looked up at the screen; two lime green 90s ass looking jeeps rolling up to the tyrannosaur paddock.

“ _GOD CREATES DINOSAUR. GOD DESTROYS DINOSAURS.GOD CREATES MAN. MAN DESTROYS GOD. MAN CREATES DINOSAURS._ ”

“ _ **Deep.**_ ” They said sarcastically, scrolling through their Twitter feed to see what was up with everyone else. “Deep like your dick in my ass, _**HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAH**_.”

Now they were wheezing at their own joke. This was probably why they didn't have a romantic interest. Which was a god damn shame because _they were_ totally _fucking hilarious_.

They had zoned out once again, though they could still hear what was going on screen for the most point. They focused on their twitter for the most part, replying to their friends' concerns about the lightning that could've obliterated their house. Occasionally—or at least it felt like it, in reality they were stealing glances at the screen every 1.3 milliseconds—they would look up at the movie, nothing was really going on.

A distinct rumbling could be heard outside once again, either Cipher didn't hear it or they simply didn't care at this point.

On screen, the scene changed to John Hammond sitting in front of a desk and switching the camera to a view of Ian Malcolm getting out of his seat and shoving his face into the camera. Hammond rested his chin in his hands, sighing heavily as Ian opened his mouth to speak.

“ _E-eventually... Eventually you do plan on, uh, h-having dinosaurs on your, ah, dinosaur tour, right? Hello?”_

“Bitch, me too—” Cipher said absentmindedly, expecting Hammond to have said that he hated Ian, only for both characters to be cut off by an explosion that rippled throughout the house.

The lights flickered on at their full brightness before turning pitch black. The windows rattled violently while the shockwaves pulsed through the circuits of the house, electricity humming violently in the air and interrupting itself with loud crackles that popped randomly. The TV screen glowed an ominous blue-purple-white, the outline of Ian burning itself into the glass before they thought something popped out. Something crashed onto the mattress and TV stand in front of Cipher, making them scream out.

_Though, they were already screaming from the fact that lightning hit their fucking house._

“ **HOLY FUCK WHAT THE SHIT OH MY FUCKING CHRIST WHAT THE DICK PISSING ASS CHRIST OHHHHHHHHHH FUCK DUDE WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO OH MY FUCK** —” They screeched, sitting upright and their jagged nails dragging across their cheeks.

“D-do you kiss your... Y-your mother with that mouth?” A voice called out, ripping Cipher from their chaotic panic.

They scrambled to find their phone, the device falling from their trembling hands as they tried to unlock the screen and turn it onto full brightness. They flashed their obscenely bright ass phone towards where the voice and screamed.

American actor, Jeffery “Jeff” Lynn Goldblum, born in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania on October 22nd 1952 was half lying on their mattress while the rest of his stupidly long body was up in the air or leaning against the TV stand (and the TV itself.)

 

* * *

a/n: CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!! XDDD **ducks from chairs and tables thrown by the readers** srry gaiz id hate to leave just right wen ian-kun showed up but i wanted to keep you waiting >:3

ian: trust me, im wroth teh wait ;)

me: exactleh!  srry owen fangirls (AND BOYZ!! [and ppl that identify as neither]) ur gonna have to wait a lil while for our tsuntsun owen ^^;

owen: **sighs**

me: dont look so sad :( we'll get to you soon!! anyway!! plz leave reviews itd make ian-kun n owen-chan super ureshii XD JA'NE!!!!

ian: see u lovelies later B)

owen: :/

 


	2. Ian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ian and cipher get jiggy with it.
> 
> shout out to [mellostopheles](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mellostopheles/pseuds/mellostopheles), [teddyfazbear](http://archiveofourown.org/users/teddyfazbear/pseuds/teddyfazbear) and [jouska](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jouska/pseuds/jouska) for their help coming up for terms and metaphors/similes. you guys are the true mvps.
> 
> ~~the prologue was more or less written in may, around the 24th i think, btw.~~

a/n: WE'RE HERE!!!!! gomen for taking sooooooooo long~!! but like ian said, he is def worth teh wait >:3

ian: wheres owen???

me: oh hes being a big baby about not being in the story yet so hes wif his raptor squad!!!! but he'll b coming  back B) 

ian: oh i know he'll be coming after--

me: SHHHHHHHHHHHH NO SPOILERS FOR HIS CHAP DX anyway!! readers rmrmebr to keeps ome tissues around FOR UR NOSEBLEEDS FROM THIS LEMON XD ONTO THE STORY!~

* * *

 

“C-can, uh, can you cut that out.”

“ **DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE.** ”

Cipher was scrambling backwards on the mattress, their foot nearly striking the man in the face in the process. _Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit._ What just happened? This was like something out of a bad fanfiction. A bad fanfiction from 2005 that you'd find on Quizilla—rest in peace. Their heart pounded loudly in their ears as they tried to keep themselves from screaming out some more as the much older man rolled onto his back and pull his body away from the TV stand.

The smell of leather and a spicy, woody fragrance hung in the air, especially when the man moved to get himself comfortable. He let out a sigh, unaware of how hard the other was staring at him in the darkness. Cipher swallowed thickly, shuddering as he was now right beside him on the mattress—his scent invading their senses. It was nostalgic, reminding them of a cologne that they must've smelled as a child.

“So. Where, ah, where am I?” He said, breaking the silence between them.

“Er. S-saska... Saskachetoon..”

“...Where is that?” He managed to say that without stuttering like a bad impersonation of himself, though there was a bit of annoyance in his voice. Which was more than understandable.

“...Canada. You're... You're in Canada, sir.” They pressed their lips together in a hard line, hands drumming against their thighs.

“I-is... Is that anywhere near, uh... Whatwasitwhatwasit, uhhh... T-T-Toronto?”

Cipher turned towards the darkness to their right, staring into the void like it was the camera on The Office. They took a deep, noisy breath through their nose. “No. No, we are not anywhere near Toronto, Mr. Goldblum—”

“G-G-Gold... Goldblum? Who the hell is, is, uh, Goldblum? I-I-I... I-'m, ah, Ian Malcolm. _Dr_ Ian Malcolm, chaotician.” Now that was the Goldblumism that Cipher was used too— _ **WAIT.**_

The lights pulsed on and off several times, giving the two brief glimpses of each other before finally staying on. Though the TV and laptop were now off. They were now finally able to get a good look at each other.

They stared hard at each other; Cipher noticing this was indeed, _Before-They-Were-Born-Blum_ rather than the _aged like a fine wine silver fox hot dad_ Goldblum. His wild ebony curls appeared to have no hints of grey, there wasn't as many wrinkles in the strikingly handsome face that they might've maybe gazed too long at in blurry jpegs, and he did not have any of the fashion sense that current Goldblum had. It was the character that he played. This was Ian Malcolm. _Holy fuck_.

While Cipher was piecing things together, Ian stared hard at the person beside them. This person was young; a round chubby face that either proved their age or cursed them to get ID'd every time they bought a ticket to an R rated movie. Like his own, their hair was black and unruly—though in their case, it was more out of rolling around than any curls. Dark eyes flickered from their face to their body, mostly to avoid how even behind big plastic red glasses, their big hazel eyes were staring at him intensely. They were cute, if he had to be honest with himself. It was hard to tell how tall they were, as they were both sitting down, but he noticed that they had thick yet fairly shapely legs that just wouldn't stop moving around. He swallowed, ripping his gaze from them and resting his eyes on their torso.

A black t-shirt with his face on it. A black t-shirt with his face on it and surrounded by the words; **FUTURE EX-MRS MALCOLM**.

A loud laugh escaped him, startling the person next to him.

“Cute shirt. How often did I say that in, uh, interviews?” He chuckled, placing a large hand on their shoulder. They must've been a fan of his, even if they mistook him for someone else. Otherwise, why would they have a t-shirt with something he said once or twice in an interview.“Well, uh, I-I guess enough for there to be, uh, t-shirts made. Where did you get that anyway?”

Cipher glanced down at their chest, eyes bulging out of their skull at the sight. “ _Shit._ ” He leaned in, making their pulse quicken. “Uhh... Online.”

It was the truth. But he was from 1993. What the fuck did people even do on the internet back then. Was eBay a thing back then? They didn't even get this shirt from eBay. _Shit, shit, shit._

Apparently that was a satisfactory answer, “I-I could, uh, never figure that stuff out. Kids these days. Hopefully I-I, uh, won't have to rely on mine to teach me all about that. Oh! Oh, oh, oh... What's your name? Why didn't I ask sooner.”

“...C-Cipher.”

He smiled. “Cipher? Interesting... Interesting name.”

They laughed awkwardly, fingers going through their hair and getting caught on a knot. “W-well, it's a nickname... That I gave myself...”

“I see... So. How, uh, how old are you?” His voice had sounded slightly concerned, and he was reluctantly moving away from them now.

“Twenty-one. I'm twenty-two in November.”

The chaotician shouldn't have felt as relieved as he did at that moment. Ian glanced at the person next to him once again, causing him to flush deeply before turning away. Why did he feel this way?

“...W-why?” Cipher asked, voice trembling as they tried to avoid staring at how open his shirt was. Their gaze fell upon his crotch in an attempt to stop staring at his chest hair, which made them want to die.

“Listen. I don't know how I, um, I got here—Hell, I was in the Central America just a few minutes ago. Nothing... Absolutely nothing could've, uh, pre-predicted this happening. But...” He stared at the brunet(te) longingly; his brown eyes clouding with desire as Cipher fell deeper and deeper into those coffee pools. “I deal with unpredictability. Unpredictability in, uh... Complex systems. Nonlinear equations...”

With every little sound that spilled from those salacious lips, he grew closer and closer. The younger person quietly sucked in a breath, unknowingly holding it as the gap between them grew smaller and smaller. His warm yet minty breath hit their skin, his hands ghosting over the tanned flesh of their thigh, which made Cipher want to cry out as he finally opened up to speak.

“ _Strange attractions._ ”

“S-so... I...heard...” They stuttered, his lips were barely a breath away from their overly sensitive jawline and neck.

“Cipher.”

“Y-yes, Dr. Malcolm?”

“From a, uh, chaotician's point of view...I-I believe... We might have a strange attraction.”

It was official.

This wasn't a bad 2005 Quizilla era fanfiction. It was a bad fanfiction written by a wine mom in 2011. _**And Cipher didn't give a shit.**_

Cipher reached out for the man and pulled him into a kiss. It was awful, as kissing is the worst thing in the world. Their lips met together in a pink frenzy; teeth awkwardly clattering together and lips mashing almost painfully into each other. Luckily, both of their eyes were closed. His hands cradled their face, long fingers twirling in their hair as he tried to ignore the awkwardness of the kiss. But he simply couldn't. It was too weird.

Ian pulled himself away, a light smirk on his now red lips as he looked at Cipher. “Have you done this before?”

They nodded, not looking at him as an inferno ignited itself on their face. “It's... been a while. A-and, um, i-it's kind of been... Ruined for me. I-I just gotcaughtupinfeelingsI'msorry.”

The man hummed softly, continuing to toy with their hair before pressing a kiss to just under their eye. “Don't worry about that. Why don't I, uh, remedy... your... Affliction.”

“You're not that kind of doctor, you fuck.” Cipher said, punching him in the shoulder. None of that awful shit. _Not today._ The sexy chaos theory dialogue was bad enough as it was.

He laughed, before resting his forehead against theirs. “I, uh, think... I think I'm in love with you. Y-you're the, ah, first person t-to not fall for that.”

“Jesus, dude... Heighten those standards,” They said with a laugh, only to be silenced by a deep kiss.

It was nothing like before.

If they were standing up, Cipher's leg would have popped up in the air like in those romantic comedies. Ian would have to settle for a small moan and stubby fingers running through his ebony curls. This kiss was magical. It would be something worthy of having “ _This Kiss_ ” by Faith Hill playing over it while the fountains at Bellagio were going in the background. He was gentle and patient, yet they could still feel the urgency and **DESIRE** in his touch. They shuddered as his tongue swiped along their bottom lip, beckoning them to let him in; to let him explore this deep wet cavern before exploring another _deep, wet cavern_. Hesitantly, they spread their lips apart, nervousness swallowing them up as thoughts of possible inadequacy popped into their head.

All of that was thrown out the window once he slipped his tongue into their mouth. He rubbed along theirs before running along the sensitive roof of their mouth; his tip rubbing against every little ridge and crevice. They groaned out once again, body shuddering violently as it pressed against his and toes curling tightly together in response to his touch. He hummed into their mouth, obviously amused at their reaction, before gently pushing them onto their back. His tongue continued its ministrations, prodding and lapping at the roof, the man drinking in the muffled sounds that came from his partner and how their soft body squirmed deliciously under him.

He was pushed away, Cipher crying out softly and their back arching high underneath him. They trembled, eyes squeezing shut and their fingers gripping onto him tightly; warm tawny coloured skin flushed a deep red as pants fell from their now red lips. It was entrancing. He blinked in surprise only for it to all click together.

“D-did you come?” Ian asked, managing to not laugh or keep the smirking to a bare minimum here.

They turned away from him, lips pursed tightly together and eyes wide in embarrassment. Yes, yes they did. Ian Malcolm was so awesome at kissing that Cipher came. It was awful. Or awesome. It was both.

He sat up, shrugging off the heavy leather he wore before working on unbuttoning his shirt and throwing it to the side. Even if it was for a second, every second that their bodies weren't pressed together felt like an eternity; he leaned in once again, lips brushing against their neck, and felt relief as their warmth washed over them. “You're so... beautiful... Especially when you come.”

“Shhhhhhhhhut up...” They whispered, hands covering their eyes.

“Alright,” He said with a soft smile. “W-why don't I, uh.... Use my mouth for something m-more useful, hm?”

“ _Dude._ ” They said flatly, once again pushing him away a little so they could sit up. With a huff, they pulled their t-shirt off and threw it off the bed, revealing their **SUCCULENT FLESH**. The deep pink bra they had since they were in grade ten was taken off hours before they had put on the movie. Their titties needed to breathe. Be free. “Well. Get to it.”

Ian couldn't believe his eyes. Those were the most beautiful C cup breasts that he had ever seen. They were a pale cream colour, topped with luscious milk duds for nipples. He had wondered if they would also melt in his mouth like the delicious candy. He had to sample Cipher's **DELIGHTS.**

“May I, uh...” He was so captured by the beauty of their breasts that he couldn't even finish his sentence.

Cipher chuckled as they gave him a short nod. The older man dove towards them hungrily, pressing kisses along their neck, collarbone then finally those beautiful boobs. His large hands fondled their funbags, his fingers sinking into the marshmallow soft flesh, before bringing their right nipple between his lips. Cipher hissed, eyes fluttering shut as he worked their mocha coloured teat. His tongue ran circles around the nipple in between hard sucks while deft fingers plucked at the other; if they weren't erect before, they certainly were now.

“A-ah... I-it's been so long...” They muttered softly to themselves, their hands gripping onto the off-white sheets below them. A violent shudder ran through their body when he dragged his teeth across the velvety flesh before pulling his mouth away.

“Hm?” He blinked, moving in towards their neglected nipple. “What, what was that?

“N-nothing...” They stammered, a hand raising itself to rest on the back of his head, guiding him to where they _needed_ his mouth.

' _Fucking Tyler._ '

Ian was in bliss. He hummed happily as he orally stimulated those pleasure buttons with gusto; he never thought that he'd find a better rack than his ex-wife's. It was a shame about everything else about his ex-wife. Goodbye to those luxurious puffy nipples. It didn't matter, he had Cipher now.

The only sounds you could hear in the room were lewd in every sense of the word; the wet smacks that came from Ian's lips and the soft whimpers and whines that fell freely from Cipher's mouth. It made them want to die—more than usual—from embarrassment. O _h, this was better than anything they had thought about while flicking the bean!_ Though the only thing that could make this better is if they got to see Ian's dick.

_Oh, shit. Ian's dick._

' _Is his dick thirteen centimetres too._ ' They thought, the image of those blurry pictures of Jeff Goldblum banging some lady on the beach coming to mind. That shit was wild. Thank you, Google Image Search.

“Is there, ah, s-s-something wrong?”

His voice tore them out of their reverie; their mind feeling fuzzy and like they were on a ride at the Ex. They shook their head as they looked down at him, shivering at the **HEATED GAZE** that came from his eyes that were like bay windows—you know, the really nice ones, freshly windexed.

“N-no—wait. Actually, ah, um...” They said, voice shaking like a leaf. Deep breath. “Can... Ahaha... You, fuck, uhh.... Can you. CAN YOU TAKE OUT YOUR DICK.”

There was a brief pause. It had only been for a second, but it had felt like a millennium. A millennium of anxiety and Cipher going “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.” internally.

Ian pulled away and stood up on his knees, his hands slowly—maybe even teasingly—working on his belt. He pulled it off dramatically, throwing it to where his leather jacket was in a black leather heap. His eyes flashed dangerously; the corner of his lips curving into a smirk that could rival the power of James Spader's in sheer smugness (it sadly, could never win as that man was made up of the pure concentrated essence of smug bad boys that made all the panties drop—2D or otherwise.) Deft fingers popped open the button of his fly before unzipping the fly agonizingly slow; it was almost as unbearable as nails on a chalkboard. Cipher desperately fought the urge to just rip Ian's hands away from his pants and pull out that hunk of man meat themself.

“You ready?”

“Dude. C'mon.”

He laughed before tugging down the black denim prison that clung to him like a second skin, freeing his erection.

“ _Jesus fuck_.” Cipher said plainly, their eyes contrasting heavily against the flat tone of their voice.

Admittedly, they had a lot of trouble conceptualizing sizes and distances. Eleven kilometres? Oh yeah, they could totally do that without any problem in Boy Scouts. Only for them to collapse in a tan and navy coloured heap in the moss covered trails by Pisew Falls, Manitoba, crying about how they would never live to play the Xbox 360 because they died on this hike (It was a different time in 2006). Oh yeah, nine inches? They could totally take that dildo if they had the funds to purchase it online. Only for them to scream in terror at the sight of the same dildo in person at the sex toy shop downtown.

They were unsure if Ian's dick was thirteen centimetres like his actor allegedly was. But it was certain that that was a lot bigger than the useable four inches that their vibrator had. Though, it was about as thick as the handle for it, which was a bit intimidating.

**In a _sexy_ way. **

It also was not as terrifyingly long as that nine inch dildo. _Thank the Lord_.

“Good?” Ian asked, obviously amused by this reaction.

“ _Real good._ ” Cipher said, voice low as their trembling hands reached for Ian's chaos maker.

Despite claiming to have done this kind of thing before, it was clear that the brunette did not have very much experience from how they marvelled at his twitching giggle stick and how their fingers loosely wrapped around him—as if they were scared of hurting him.

“Don't be, uh, a-afraid.” He cooed, gently grabbing their hand and squeezing it, so it would wrap tighter around his pulsating length. A light shudder ran through his body once they began to stroke him, rather awkwardly but it was a vast improvement over the feather light touch. With a dry hand. Damn, he needed to get his dick wet. “There we go... G-good, uh..”

“Err... D-Dr. Malcolm...” They whispered, hand continuing to glide along his turgid pecker, thumb occasionally toying with the sensitive slit in the deep pink head. Precum was now leaking freely from the tip, their thumb smearing the clear lubricant-slash-weird ass fluid that apparently neutralizes acid what the fuck. “C-can you... Um... call me, ahhhahah... 'B-babydoll'?”

Ian grinned as he grasped their chin and tilted it upwards to steal a kiss. His other hand reached around their chubby frame, pulling them closer so he could feel that delicious warmth once again. His fingers splayed across their back, earning a soft moan from Cipher as they tried to keep on with their clumsy hand job. His tongue delved past their lips, running along the smooth muscle that didn't even bother to fight for dominance. Their tongues swirled together in a waltz of saliva and pink wonderful; the taste of mint gum and Chicken McNuggets mingling together into an intoxicating serum.

They pulled apart from each other, a string of saliva connecting their lips before snapping. Their hearts pounded in their chests, almost as if they were one being, like they were meant to find each other. Cipher blushed deeply, hazel orb flickering away from the intense stare of their lover.

“I-I need you, D-Dr. Malcolm...” They breathed, eyes twinkling like the pause screen of an old Nintendo Game Boy. “Please... Give me _the business_. Take me to Pound Town, USA.”

“Of course, _Babydoll._ ” Ian purred, gently pushing Cipher onto their back once again. “And... Call me Ian.”

Cipher once again looked into the void as if it were a camera on The Office. Though, instead of an incredulous look, it was one of totally knowing something that Ian did not. Regardless, his name had felt natural on their lips. It felt... _right_.

“I-Ian...”

He smiled down at them, his hands running along their sides before stopping at their hips. His fingers hooked themselves into the waistband of their tight black bike shorts before slowly pulling them down their thick thighs and legs. Now, Cipher was completely nude; their tanned skin flushed a deep pink and glimmering with a sheen of sweat like gossamer on a spring morning.

“You're... Y-you're beautiful...”

“ _Shut up and fuck me._ ” Cipher growled, gripping onto Ian's open shirt and pulling him down for a **HEATED KISS.** This time, they were definitely battling for dominance inside of Ian's mouth—their tongue jamming itself deep into his cavern and thrashing around, fucking his mouth with their lingua. The two separated once again, drool coating both of their swollen lips as they eyed each other down **SENSUALLY.** “ _Unleash your chaos inside me, Ian._ ”

“W-we're, uh, impatient now, are we, Babydoll?” He said with a laugh, sitting up and sliding a hand between their legs. His fingers ghosted over their heated puff pastry, the feeling of their dark chocolate flakes brushing against his skin along with their leaking honey-cream filling sticking to his fingertips made him smirk. “Well, I, uh, guess you're already good to go.”

“ _ **Please**_ , _ **Ian**_.”

Humming, Ian repositioned himself between their legs; hands hooking under their knees and placing their feet onto his shoulders before lining up his bologna tombstone to their moist swamp. His weeping cock-end ran along the puffy lips of their sex before pressing them apart, his head brushing against their slick little pear, making them whimper out. The man continued these ministrations a few times before finally pressing against their love tunnel. “Alright... I'm, uh, g-going... in, Babydoll.”

With that, he rammed his fuckpole deep into their more than willing **cunny.** The both of them gasped at the sensation. Ian hadn't expected this piss pocket to be so tight, it had felt like a vacuum sucking him in. Cipher had braced themself for a bit of pain, as they didn't usually shove things up there but Ian's cock had done nothing but give them pleasure—maybe they'd feel pleasantly sore down there afterwards but nothing too bad.

“H-holy shit,” Cipher gasped out, toes curling as they grew accustomed to the invading meat rocket plundering their princess parts.

“You, uh, you're doing... good?” Ian choked out, hands once again on their legs and squeezing them spasmodically, trying not to give into the desire to just thrust like mad. If it was possible. Cipher's twat was just so tight, he didn't know if he could move despite their vagina resembling a Fruit Gusher at the moment. “I-I, er...ah, I'm gonna... I'm gonna try to move now.”

They gave him a nod before wriggling their hips, hoping that would entice him to go fucking wild on their moist lust hole.

Which he did. Or attempted to.

His thrusts weren't very fast, instead they were hard and _**deep**_. He managed to pull out just enough so that only his head was still inside the hungry hoe chamber then wham his oingo boingo deep inside, the fat head bludgeoning against their cervix. Because apparently that would feel fucking awesome and not _at least_ a little painful. Cipher could feel those thrusts to the top of their head, their body jiggling with every impact of their hips. It was insane. Just like the sound and feeling of his balls smacking against their ass. Basketball noises.

Ian tried his best to keep up this rhythm, heavy pants free falling from his mouth as his cervix knocker was massaged each time he bottomed out. _Shit was snug, dude._

Eventually, Cipher's needy kitty became a bit more accommodating, giving Ian more freedom to thrust. He managed to keep the hard, deep and steady pace but they came a bit faster, which was **TOO MUCH**. The sensations of their walls clenching wantonly around his ancient amber distributor accompanied by the sounds of their sweat slickened flesh smacking against each other and the sound of mac and cheese being stirred around was amazing. His russet galaxies flickered to where they were joined together, watching his schlong get swallowed up by Cipher's hooha. The swollen flesh grew darker with each fresh coating of slut butter that splashed onto his pelvis. They were just so wet for him, it was incredible.

“Shit.” He muttered, his eyes squeezing shut. He had lost all senses... Except... **DESIRE**. “I-I think I'm...”

' _HELL YEAH DUDE.'_ Cipher screamed mentally, their right hand moving between their leg as the other gripped tightly onto the sheets below them. Their fingers pressed between their puffy labia to toy with their engorged pleasure pearl, desperately wanting to come at the same time as Ian. “P-please cum inside me, D-Daddy~!”

“ _ **WHAT**_.” He said, though his voice was strangled as he hit his peak and was swallowed up by a white hot explosion overloading his senses. The earth had shattered around him; time slowing to a heavy stop until it was just him. He saw the essence of chaos tonight. And it's name was Cipher... Whatever their last name was.

Cipher squealed as they felt Ian shoot his load into their mayonnaise drain. He carved his white essence into their very core, his fuck fluid painting the walls of their aching puss and womb before overflowing out of them. They continued to push their love button, their fingers a blur as they tried to reach their orgasm down like a ravenous wolf chasing it's prey. Finally, they hit it right when the last spurt of love yogurt splashed against their baby dam. White flowers had surrounded them and died, their vision going somewhere between white and every single colour of the rainbow.

After what had felt like centuries, Ian came down from his high and began to pull out his flaccid noodle and flopped beside Cipher on the mattress. His balls effectively drained and afterglow as bright and daunting as the moon. He gazed at the brunette next to him lovingly; this was indeed the love of his life now, even if they obviously had some Daddy Issues they needed to work out. It was fine. They would get through it together.

Cipher sighed, rolling onto their side and looking at their source of masturbatory fantasies for the past few months with stars in their eyes. They giggled, rolling onto their back again happiness swelled inside them. ' _2016 needs to slow down... This was incredible._ ' They though, a dreamy smile appearing on their lips.

“What was that?”

They blinked, “What?”

“You said 2016.”

_**Shit.** _

* * *

a/n: **squees** its doooooone~! i hope you guys liked it ^o^" i know i loved writing it >:3

ian: **wipes his nosebleed** 

me: hehehhehe it seems like i wasnt the only one xDDD

owen: **walks in before getting glomped** X.x"

me: ooowweeeeeeeenn-chaaaaaaaaaaaaan~! he's next!!!! xD hopefully you guys will stick around for his chappie!! until next time! ja'ne!!~

 


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